Wednesday, March 03, 2010

Nothin', just planning my future thoughts

We recently found out the fate of Cooper's preschool situation next year.  He'll be going to Carson's school. 

The pre-k program there is wonderfully led by Ms. L, who I've been working with on a project for several weeks.  I've gotten to know Ms. L.  I've visited her classroom during the day many times.  Cooper comes with me sometimes and Ms. L. lovingly welcomes him to join her class in whatever they're doing while I'm there.  And then Cooper temporarily forgets he has a mother in the room and happily dives in.  He was born in September of 2005 so he's too young to be in a pre-k class, but that's hardly noticeable to him or the other kids in the class.

And people talk about Ms. L.  Oh, do they talk.  "You'll be so happy in her class!"  "She does the most incredible art projects with the kids..."  Sometimes moms just get a winsome look on their faces at the mere mention of her name, as if they wish their child could remain in Ms. L's class forever.

I got it people.  I'm thrilled for Cooper to be in her class.

But does it have to be all day?  Every day?  From 8:15 to 3:05?

'Cause that's a long time to be without my baby.  And I know he's not a baby, and he loves being in a classroom, and he's thrilled at the prospect of going to Carson's school with him.

But it's still all day.  Part-time maybe?  I've already's an all or nothing deal.  I suppose they don't keep track of absences in pre-k so I wanted to keep him home some days I could.

And then I'd probably hear all day about how much he wants to be with Ms. L.

As sure as I'm writing this I know I'm going to look up one day from his fifth grade classroom and see pre-k kids walking by, and my eyes are going to tear up at the memory of Cooper ever being that small.  I know it's going to happen.  And there's nothing I can do to stop it.

But I can make sure that when I do see those kids and remember him being small, it's a feeling that warms my heart and not a feeling of regret at not cherishing the moments now.

So now, I can savor him while he's little.  And savor him when he's driving me crazy with his questions.  And when I know I'm going to be late but he wants to sit in my lap in the chair.  And when we grocery shop together and he zig-zags the cart down the aisles.  And when he asks perfect strangers if they have any games on their I-Phones (surely I'm going to look back on that and laugh.  Someday.)

And when he goes to school next fall, I'll be ready for it.  I'll be ready for him to venture into school life.  I'll have savored him all I can and I'll be ready for him to be in school for seven hours every day.


If I start preparing for the moment now.


Anonymous said...

Stop making me cry. My ugly cry would totally win the gold. So stop it!

Anonymous said...

I do have mixed feelings about all day pre-school...if it's any consulation I will have to send my baby to middle school next year. In another building. Waa. RW

Anonymous said...

All day preschool gets my knickers in a bunch, but you all know my babies don't leave home til they're at least 19, ha.