Sunday, October 12, 2014

Less than a week to go!

Carson comes home in six days!  I will not say the past two weeks have flown by, but it does seem like I have not been nearly has teary as I was the first few days.  I thought I would break down every time I talked to him.  I thought I wouldn't be ABLE to talk to him for losing it.  But that hasn't happened!  I'm surprising myself here as much as I'm surprised that Carson wants to end all our conversations after 10 minutes.

I've only talked to him about four times since he's been gone.  I do my best to ask leading questions and get him going, telling me all the minutiae I want to hear, like what exactly are you eating every day.  But he doesn't bite...he answers dutifully and then all of a sudden he'll say "hey, I gotta go, we're playing a game..." or some such thing that is far better than speaking to the one you brought you into this world and then sent you halfway around it and is a little on the freaked-out side that you do not want to speak to her more than nine minutes.

But you go play your game, by all means.

Honestly, it beats having to talk down a sobbing son who longs to come home.  He seems to really be enjoying himself, and the details that I don't get from him are posted on a private Facebook site for all us parents to see.  We get a recap of their field trips, photos galore, and videos.  On one call, though, I did come right out and ask him "are you homesick?"  And he said "well, I try not to think about it."  So I shut up and said nothing else about it.  Like any mom, I really want him to be able to tell me what he's thinking, but sheez I also want to leave the kid alone and if he can get through a tough time by just "not thinking about it" then maybe that's maturity?

Today he and his family are touring Paris.  I am so thrilled for him I can't stand it and I reminded him yesterday to take a ton of pictures and get his camera charged, etc.

Oh, some people have asked me about his spending money, so if you're curious:  part of the exchange "tuition" was an allowance of $40 in Euros per week they are there.  The chaperone gives that to them on Mondays.  I asked Carson if he'd spent any money and he got a twinkle in is eye:  "oh, yes!"  So I left it at that...I can't wait to see what he thought worthy to make the trip home.

As for Cooper, that other son of mine, he has survived quite well without Carson, but I will say he has not been in our backyard one time since Carson left.  He is well aware of when we are scheduled to call Carson, and he's written him a couple of emails (which I cannot possibly decipher because they are about Clash of Clans and DreamLeague Soccer...).  He said one day last week...he just wants to hug him.

Me too.

Wednesday, October 01, 2014

Day 5 of 21

Y'all don't worry, I'm not posting my drama out here every single day until Carson comes home.  But I could if I wanted to 'cause it is my blog and I'll cry if I want to.

And I have.

And it came out of nowhere.

And my friends understood.

I'm good with Carson being in France.  I'm good with his host family situation.  I love that he's getting to do this with kids he's known since Kindergarten and a chaperone he loves.

But apparently all this "goodness" has elevated my emotions without me realizing it.

Yesterday I was at work and I got a call from my doctor who wanted me to come visit her before she called in a prescription for me (to cure this nagging, three-month-old cough).  The appointment she offered me was in the middle of my work day, THAT day, and I hadn't made arrangements to be gone.  So I did what normal people do when they have to leave work unplanned:

I cried.

Then because crying for this reason is so absurd, I began laughing.  It was all just absurd.  And my friends at work were like, um, what are we supposed to do here?  And that made me laugh some more while I was crying.

I ended up going to my appointment at my friends' suggestion (lordy, pity them had they said not to go), missing the rest of the day's work, and getting a bunch of prescriptions, an X-ray, and a breathing treatment (maybe I should have had one of those at the airport).

And then I realized that if I'm going to have a peaceful next 16 days I better get my emotions together, for my sake and those around me.  Yes, it's an emotional thing for me: I'm proud and happy for him and overwhelmed and yes I MISS MY SON.  So all of that means I'm going to be a little sensitive to things like demanding doctors.

I suppose that's okay as long as people are aware it's not them, it's me.  I should wear a badge:  "Caution: Son is in France.  Disappoint me at your own risk."

Aww, I'll be able to keep it together until he gets back.  I have no idea how I know this, but I believe it at this moment and that's what matters.

So on to Days 6-21.  I can't wait.