Wednesday, October 01, 2014

Day 5 of 21

Y'all don't worry, I'm not posting my drama out here every single day until Carson comes home.  But I could if I wanted to 'cause it is my blog and I'll cry if I want to.

And I have.

And it came out of nowhere.

And my friends understood.

I'm good with Carson being in France.  I'm good with his host family situation.  I love that he's getting to do this with kids he's known since Kindergarten and a chaperone he loves.

But apparently all this "goodness" has elevated my emotions without me realizing it.

Yesterday I was at work and I got a call from my doctor who wanted me to come visit her before she called in a prescription for me (to cure this nagging, three-month-old cough).  The appointment she offered me was in the middle of my work day, THAT day, and I hadn't made arrangements to be gone.  So I did what normal people do when they have to leave work unplanned:

I cried.

Then because crying for this reason is so absurd, I began laughing.  It was all just absurd.  And my friends at work were like, um, what are we supposed to do here?  And that made me laugh some more while I was crying.

I ended up going to my appointment at my friends' suggestion (lordy, pity them had they said not to go), missing the rest of the day's work, and getting a bunch of prescriptions, an X-ray, and a breathing treatment (maybe I should have had one of those at the airport).

And then I realized that if I'm going to have a peaceful next 16 days I better get my emotions together, for my sake and those around me.  Yes, it's an emotional thing for me: I'm proud and happy for him and overwhelmed and yes I MISS MY SON.  So all of that means I'm going to be a little sensitive to things like demanding doctors.

I suppose that's okay as long as people are aware it's not them, it's me.  I should wear a badge:  "Caution: Son is in France.  Disappoint me at your own risk."

Aww, I'll be able to keep it together until he gets back.  I have no idea how I know this, but I believe it at this moment and that's what matters.

So on to Days 6-21.  I can't wait.