Words will never be enough

First, read my previous post about my last experience with a snake and get an idea of how little I ever want to see one again even in a picture. Even one as small as the one I wrestled...

Then, have a look at this picture and ask yourself how I was able to even look at it long enough to download.



Oh, my.

Thing is, this is not a picture I lifted from snopes.com or some other urban legend web site. This creature was sighted at the home of a lady my sister works with, who lives out in the country.

The picture was taken only a week or so ago, which means this little black snake is probably still slithering about somewhere. I do not know, nor do I care to know, how "Gail" freed up her door from the clutches of this creature. Good luck to you, Gail, and move to the freaking city, OK?

WFMW: Two from Mom of Five

Since I'm just getting started in the motherhood game (boys are 20 mo. and 3 years), I have not yet heard "mom, I'm bored." My boys still get a charge out of watching birds out the back window.

My sister, on the other hand, has five kids, the oldest now in college. She has homeschooled them all and I'm sure heard the dreaded phrase more than once. So I decided to ask her what to post for this week's WFMW:

(Edited for space, but pretty much verbatim. As if there's not enough space on the Internet for her entire answer...)

"First, when I read questions like that, I think what the person is really wanting to know is "What can I get my kid to do so that he will leave me alone?" 'Cause I can think of all kinds of things to do with my kids, but I didn't/don't always want to play along. Anyway, when one of my sweet cherubs would say they were bored, I'd tell them to stand in a corner until they thought of something to do. (And it could not be TV or computer.) It usually didn't take them too long to come up with something.

I did that because these kids I have should never, ever be bored! They have toys! They have books! They have a backyard! We gave them siblings! Enough to switch around even. Sheesh. The kid who comes to me and says he's bored better be prepared to pay the piper. Or clean something.

P.S. The disclaimer is that I know my kids and at what age I could expect this to work. I don't assume anything for anyone else. Also, the corners were always cobweb-free. Again, I don't assume anything for anyone else..."

So then I guess she started thinking about how a "kinder, gentler" idea might sound better to post for the masses, and she suggested getting the kids involved in the local library's Summer Reading Program.

Uh-huh, I bet there was a lot of worn corners in their house...

The beach in our front yard

Ahhhh, you're gonna get tired of reading this on my blog, but I LOVE SUMMER!

This evening we had a party in the front yard. We live in a nice-enough neighborhood, but until recently the boys were pretty much the lone kiddos on our street. But now they have a victim, uh, playmate, other than each other!

"Jason" is a little over two years old and lives two houses down. After dinner we invited him and his mom and dad to come over...the pool was coming out again!

So pretty soon here came Jason walking across yards with great purpose and clutching his beach towel. Cutest thing ever.

Then up filled the pool. And down splashed three boys (many, many times). And the water from the hose flew everywhere. And the moms and dads lifeguarded from lawn chairs a safe distance away. And I sat there and thought, what a perfect evening. Good friends, good kids, and a good deal of hope that we'd do this many times this summer...

Is my 3-year-old a brooding teenager already?

We've always pulled out all the "sleep aids" possible for Son 1: nightlight, lamp on, music CDs playing, books to look at after we leave, stories prior to leaving, etc. It's really a wonder he gets any sleep at all, now that I think about it. Nonetheless, we've always used some or all of these things to help the process.

Then two nights ago, he says in his tiny voice: "I don't need any books." Then, as I was leaving his room, "could you close the door? And turn off the lamp?"

Whaaaaaaa?!

"...and shut the door all the way."

Um, OK, I say. It pained me to leave him in a room with the only light coming from his little sailboat nightlight. With the door completely shut. What if he wimpered? Or breathed loudly? Or turned over? Or worse, called out for me and I couldn't hear him in my room a whole 10 feet away?

But I obliged, and hubs and I spent the next 30 minutes scratching our heads. Our son had grown up overnight. Or, in not so many words, told us he's learned to live without all the crutches for sleeping.

One of my sisters who is a veteran mom and I mean that in the nicest way, told me once that when one of my children is crying, the reason is not as important as helping him not cry. So stop analyzing, she would say, and start comforting.

So I suppose I should stop analyzing my son's sudden desire to be alone with his thoughts, and add this to my list of the mysteries of parenting. Which is growing by the minute.

Overheard: Lesson Learned

This morning over breakfast:

Son 1: "What is this cereal called?"

Me: "Cap'n Crunch"

Son 1: "Craptin' Crunch?"

Me: "Yes."

I'm back, but just to say I'm not posting.

We just returned from a rather spur-of-the-moment trip to the Dallas area for my niece's high school graduation. I'm tired.

We had a wonderful but busy Memorial Day. The $5.99 pool made its first appearance in our (shadeless!) front yard. I'm tired.

Mother's Day Out came to an end last week with a sweet school program during which I probably bruised a few other parents trying to position my camera to capture Son 1 onstage staring into space. I'm tired.

I tried really hard to reshape the poor cowboy hat in the pic below that has been residing at the bottom of the toybox since March. I'm tired.

So this post is all about not posting until I can get un-tired. Um, or until I can fake it really well. Until then, go here and realize that amazingly some people manage to walk the earth without a brain.

Wow, that was quick!

So apparently instead of posting a comment out here, all you very quiet readers went out and voted for me. Check it out!

I also got an email that said I was being sent a very "small" prize. Methinks I should make room in my cabinet for a Nightline coffee mug. And no, the email was not sent from Ted Koppel or whoever is the host these days. Rather, my theory is that "Eric" is a college intern who got the assignment back in September and it is just now getting through all the red tape that must surely be required to get a page on abcnews.com. I can hear it now:

ABC Bigwig: "We need more hits on our website."

ABC Sorta Bigwig: "I know, sir, we're having brainstorming sessions as we speak to figure out what we can do..."

ABC Bigwig: "How about a contest. People love contests. Contests are good. Look at that Idol show. Now that's a contest..."

ABC Sorta Bigwig: "Sir, that's a television show. Ours is a website."

ABC Bigwig: "Whatever. Jordin, wow, she's really good. Explain to me what beat-boxing is anyway."

ABC Sorta Bigwig: "Not-a-Bigwig just got a new intern: Eric Somebody. Maybe he can get him working on it."

ABC Bigwig: "Good, make it happen. And set me up with Paula Abdul...I hear she's single and looking."

ABC Sorta Bigwig: "Right, sir, I'm on it."


And thus, the Nightline Caption Contest is born... Thank you, fans!

Go to abcnews.com and vote for me!

The other day I posted about my friend who was a finalist in the abcnews.com photo caption contest (too bad he did not win). Well, yours truly has carved out a "bigtime" niche of her own. That's right, peoples, I'm a finalist.

So please, both of you Home Team fans go there now and vote for mine! Even if you don't think it's the funniest. Pretty please?! And if you do, leave a comment here, mmmmmm-kay?!

P.S. The caption entry has my entire true name and hometown out there, so if you know me only anonymously, vote for me and then forget you saw that and don't steal my identity or my children.

WFMW: 20 cent STYLISH greeting cards

1. Go to Michael's. Bring $9.99 plus tax.

2. Buy this.

3. Never be without a greeting card again. Need a closeup?

Here are the details:

-- There are 50 cards in the box. Those who know me know my extremely limited math skills, but I believe at $9.99 for the box, that's a mere 20 cents per card.

-- Envelopes are included.

-- The cards are textured with a matte finish. I think this makes them look "richer." Since they are from the crafty-craft store, I'm sure they can be embellished, stamped, punched, and whatever other craft wizardry you people do who have more time (and desire) on your hands than me.

-- The cards are blank inside so get thee some creativity and write your sentiment from the heart. No one ever reads the preprinted notes anyway!

-- I've not had an occasion yet that one of these cards didn't fit: birthday, graduations, new baby, etc. And there are designs that are masculine, as well.

-- If you are reading this and you receive one of these cards from me, you now know how excited I am to be sending you a card AND saving money.

For more very useful Works for Me tips, visit the WFMW queen herself at Rocks in My Dryer.

Flower Pics as Promised

This may not look like much but it is quite an accomplishment for the Home Team since we are not very landscape-inclined. I think I should have swept the sidewalk before taking this picture, but wait, what's that just in front of my husband's truck bumper?? That would be the broom, being swiped by Son 1.

These are what I'm calling my Iron Impatiens. They withstood several very unseasonable freezes when their siblings in the ground died and were thus replaced with the begonias in the picture above. Rock on II's! (And thank you Son 2 for your diligent watering!)

The Home Team's Week in Review

Guess I've been a bit of a slug this week as far as posting goes, so here's what's been going on at Home Team's house:

1. I got what I think is possibly the best haircut of my life. I won it at a silent auction at our church and "Damon" doesn't know it but I was the only bidder. I sat down in his chair and as he took the scrunchy out and my hair just sort of stayed up, he says "...oh, honey, the Lord sent you to me..." He proceeded to whack away ala Edward Scissorhands and I came away with a new hip 'do that I love. Despite the fact that he wondered aloud why all his clients have "problem hair," I will be going back to him in a few months.

2. Son 1 and Son 2 got through the week with no major injuries, but Son 2's head met with my brow which caused tears. From me.

3. My newly-planted hydrangea is still alive. This is news. I will post pics soon.

4. The scale says I lost 10 pounds! And, no, it is not broken.

5. I can't believe Melinda Doolittle isn't on AI anymore. And I got to watch about seven minutes of "The Office."

Yep, that's all the excitement here lately. Be sure to visit again for another riveting installment...

ABC News and a friend from high school

Please go here and vote for my high school friend, Russell Reid. He's a finalist in the ABC News caption contest. It's about time his wit made the bigtime (shush! Fictional captions are bigtime!).

Thanks!

Could I ask for a more devoted husband?

Last night as we walked through our neighborhood past our church, I noticed lots of cars in the parking lot. A lot for a Thursday evening, anyway:

Me: "What do you think's going on at the church?"
Hubs: "Don't know, funeral??
Me: "Either that or a wedding..."
Hubs: "Harrumph. Either way your life is over..."

The Interview Meme

My wonderful friend Chilihead has included me in the Interview Meme that I hear is going around, but since I've been rather extinct out here lately I wouldn't know. I'm taking her word for it. So here's my contribution:

1. What was your favorite outfit in 1987? The one you wore every time you could and made sure was washed for those nights out on the town?

I had an unlimited supply of shaker-knit sweaters in the mid- to late 80s so I could always fall back on one of those with my jeans and Huaraches. And I had a lavender long-sleeve shirt that had puffy sleeves, a la, Seinfeld but not as cute. Yeah, I thought I was original in that shirt, when really the reason I felt that way was because NO ONE ELSE HAD ONE. Didn’t get clued in on that mistake until about 1989.

2. Have you achieved three of your life goals?

Yes: graduated from college, married the man of my dreams, became a mom. I’m starting to let go of “...become an Olympic figure skater…” and I haven't given up on "...make money as a photographer..."

3. Do you ever fly in your dreams? If so, how do you take off ( e.g., jump, run & jump, lift up off the ground, etc.)?

I do fly in my dreams! It’s been a while; I wish I knew what life events triggered that dream because I always wake up invigorated. I tend to run and jump. Like a gazelle. A gazelle on steroids. A gazelle on steroids with the wind at his back. Oh…it’s a fun dream!

4. You have five minutes to pack up and leave. What stays and what goes?

What goes: contact case and solution, eye-makeup remover, eye glasses. Sight is an important thing to me. Son 1 and Son 2. One diaper. One sippy cup. Husband. If it is a permanent exit, husband gets to take a bottle of water and my 30-odd photo albums. Purse. ALWAYS my purse. And a cell phone charger. And my computer. And my calendar!!

What stays: who cares? As long as I have my calendar.

5. Your family is being transferred. You get to pick where you'd like to live, but it can't be in the United States. Where do you choose?

A tough one. I do not want to learn a new language. So I’m going to Mexico; when I get there they will change all their literature, signs, forms, and grocery items in the whole country to English.

Supermom sssstrikes again

I can't take much in the way of varmints. It was part of Husband's vows at our wedding "to love, honor, and remove all outside creatures to the outdoors or the trashcan, the latter of which can only occur if said creature is dead." Translation: I do NOT kill bugs or anything else. Ever.

Unless of course Husband is at work and unavailable to live up to his vow, like today. I can barely even type it since I get the willies every time I think about it. We...had...a...ss...uhhhh...sss....snake. In our garage. I say "we" but really it was me and the boys, and they were still strapped in their carseats when I noticed the intruder. Otherwise, the s. (I can't seem to type it again) would probably be running for its life from a stick.

Let me just say, I would have taken a pic of the s. but I was too horrified. All I could think about was the possibility of the s. chasing me as I leapt over it to the door to get a broom. Then I realized, I'm NOT using the same broom as I use to sweep our kitchen floor, so I had to leap over it again to get to the garage broom. Luckily we have about five garage brooms (somehow they seem to be multiplying) so I grabbed the biggest one I could find. Straw bristles, curved on the end from so much use...oh, yeah, this baby would work.

So I went back to the s. amid "what you doing, Mommy"s from the car and prepared to sweep it out of the garage. The s. curled up immediately (ewwwwww!!) and with one amazing swoop I launched him to the end of the driveway like a hockey puck on an icerink. Then another swoop into the street, then across the street to the office building's parking lot, then for good measure to the grassy area next to it.

Ahhhh, my work was done and now I'm happy to report I have not seen the s. again. I couldn't, however, bring myself to let the broom back into the garage so it is currently propped up outside. Where it will remain forever.

So after my heroics I walked back up to the car and Son 1 was all questions:

"What did you do Mommy?"

"I just showed a snake his new home."

"Whyyyy?"

"Because I don't like snakes."

"Oh. I like snakes."

You'll learn, my boy, you'll learn.

P.S. The size of the snake, I'm sure you want to know, wasn't much bigger than a large earthworm. But it was ferocious.

WFMW: Cheap, better giftwrap

Use discount fabric for wrapping gifts.

I wrapped this birthday gift (a puzzle in a box) for under $3. The three-year-old gets the gift and the mom gets a yard of fabric with a fun "boy print" to do with as she pleases: pajama pants for her son, placemats, blanket, etc. The fabric was $2 a yard and the ribbon was also from the clearance rack, for 50 cents. I didn't even use tape to wrap it.

For the mother of Works for Me Wednesday, visit Shannon.

Weightloss Inspiration

We all need it at one time or another: a little ditty about losing weight to make us feel not so miserable about having to deprive ourselves. Well, OK, maybe I'm the one that needs it right now. I've been struggling to lose my baby weight for, uh, let's see, my youngest son is saying words now. (How long, by the way, is it okay to call it "baby weight?")

And while I'm on my soapbox (what, you didn't see me climb up?) let me just say that if "breastfeeding makes post-baby weight loss happen faster" actually came true for me, I'd be borrowing clothes from Calista Flockhart. (Oh, how '90s of me: I meant Nicole Richey). I nursed both my boys every bit of 13 months each and yet I still struggle.

Anyway, I've been doing Weight Watchers lately, and our meeting leader bestowed this gem on us last week. Even if you don't do WW, you may find it inspiring enough to put down that Snickers...


SEVEN DAYS TO GO!
author unknown

Tuesday evening after Weight Watchers
That piece of cake I saved is near.
One big slice, I have no fear.
Besides, no pounds will even show.
I've got seven days to go.

Wednesday
Time for shopping, to the mall we go.
Have a pizza special, it’s cheaper you know.
I’ll walk it off, I’ll get in gear.
Six days to go, no weigh-in near.

Thursday
I think I’ll skip my tuna lunch.
A hamburger and fries is what I’ll munch.
Tuna’s getting expensive you know.
Besides, I’ve got five days to go.

Friday
For breakfast, one egg, toast and juice.
But the kids left their pancakes, what’s the use?
With inflation, to waste is a sin.
Besides, it’s four days until I weigh in.

Saturday
This weekend will be really rough.
Those restaurant menus are really tough.
I’ll work the steak off when I go to the gym.
I have three days until I weigh in.

Sunday
For breakfast, I’ll just have coffee today.
Maybe I’ll lose a little more that way.
At supper, a little bit I will eat.
In just two days that scale I meet.

Monday
Now my nerves are really a wreck.
I’m stressed, so I eat, what the heck.
I need to lose a pound tonight.
One day to go, will it be all right?

Tuesday
I don’t want to face that scale today.
Will a trip to the john save the day?
I gained two pounds, wouldn’t you know?
Guess I didn’t have seven days to go!

The greatest thing you have is the 24 hours directly in front of you. Today you can succeed.

Overheard: So that's how it's going to be...

Mommy: Do you love your mommy?

Son 1: Yes, but I don't like you.

Mommy: You don't?

Son 1: No, I like Daddy.

WFMW: Snack Trap

If ya'll have toddlers, you really need to check out the Snack Trap at One Step Ahead. I am not a baby-gadget person; I shun useless things like this with a vengeance. But the Snack Trap is well worth its five bucks: fill it with Cheerios and hand it to your little one and they can carry it around the living room without spilling. And it's great for traveling, too.

The Snack Trap works for me! For more great tips, visit Shannon.

"Judge not," etc., but at least writing isn't my JOB

Friday's edition of my local paper. Scary I paid for it.